All stupid Jokes

How do u CUT roads?????
By LAUGHING.....
Because "Haste Haste Cut jaye Raste"
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Luv and Saala are going to a village in between
comes A well. Luv falls into the well. Why???
Because Luv (love) is blind !!!!!
Now , Saala also jumps inside. Why??
Because Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
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Jackie ....Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. ???
socho....... nahi pata..??
Answer- D'Cold......Chan ki saans - D'cold
Chalo ab batao Jackie.... Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
This is quite simple.. .....
Ans: D'Cold again.......Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahuthi :-))
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A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???
So, Which Platform are you Working on ???....
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Question: What will u call a person who is
leaving India??
Answer : Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Question: What will u call a person who leaves India,but doesn't travel
much??
Answer: Hindustan Lever Ltd (Limited).
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Q -Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam
kya tha ?
Ans: Adidas.
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Q - Prasad asks Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble
brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. why ?? why ??
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener
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Q - What is similarity between "Satynarayan Pooja"
and "Indian Cricket Team"
Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai
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Q - Who is Joe?
"Kambakth ishq" - Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"
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And of course, the grand final............The
Madrasi said, I want to
see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did
he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai.......

2:Baithe baithe kamre main kar rahi thi press
Teri yaad aayi to jal 9* dress..............!

Jee karta hai ki teri nili nili aankhon main dub jaoon
Jee karta hai ki teree nili nili aankhon main dub jaoon
Splash!

Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
So? What's the big deal?

Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?

Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar
Ekhattar, bahattar, chauhattar !
(trihattar is on leave )

Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Bilkul jaise kal chamak rahe the...(wah wah)

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Ke kyon kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai??

Ladki boli:
Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.

Ladka bola :
Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.

Bewafa sanam se to cigarette achi hai,
Bewafa sanam se to cigarette achi hai,
Dil jalati hai, par hoto se to lagti hai

Voh Sadak Ke Us Paar Thi Hum Sadak Ke Is Paar The
Kuch Hum Aage Badhe, Kuch Voh Aage Badhi
Hum Kuch Aur Aage Badhe, Voh Bhi Kuch Aur Aage Badhi
Hum Aur Bhi Aage Badhe, Voh Bhi Aur Aage Badhi
Ab Hum Sadak Ke Us Paar Hein, Aur Voh Sadak Ke Is Paar Hein

Dur se dekhaa to kuchh dikha nahi......
Dur se dekhaaa.. to kuchh dikha nahi....
Paas jake dekhaa to kuchh tha hi nahi

English Man : - Humare America mein War ho 9* hai
Mohit: - Humare India mein to roz hi war hota hai
English Man : - wo kaise?
Mohit : - Somwar, Mangalwar, Budhwar.....!!!

Woh gori hai uski zulfe hain kali,
Wo Pari hai ya Pariyo ki Rani,
Uski har baat hai nirali,
Par kya karu yaaro wo larki kisi aur ne pat

3:English 2 Urdu translation.

Have a nice day!
* Accha din lo!

What's up?
*Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding!
*Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me!
* Mera bachcha mut banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up?
* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool man!
* Thandaa aadmi!

Don't mess with me, dude.
* Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee.

Check this out, man!
* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

She's so fine!
* Woh itnee bedaag hai!

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?
* Suno dost, woh choozaa mera hai, theek?

Are you nuts?
* Kya aap akhrot hain? ;)

Son of a gun.
* Bachcha bandook ka.

4:Geeta Sar : - SMS kar aur bhool ja,
reply ki apeksha mat rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi
jaata Sabko apne kiye hue SMS ka reply milta hi hai!!

Hum dua karte hain Khuda se,
ki wo aap jaisa dost aur na banaye...,
Ek Cartoon jaisi cheez hai humare paas,
kahin wo bhi common na ho jaye!!

Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be
one heart that would always beat for you
You know Whose???
your Own Stupid!!!

Khuda ne jab tumhe banaya hoga,
Confusion ka moment aaya hoga,
kabhi Monkey to kabhi Donkey banana chaha hoga,
End mein dono ka mixture passand aaya hoga!!!

True friends are those
Who Care without hasitation,
Remember without Limitation,
Forgive without any Explanation,
and Love even with little Communication!!!

The Golden words are "Don't cry in Love"
because for whom u r crying does not deserve your tears
and the person who deserves it will never let u cry!!

Jo assani se mile wo hai gum,
jo mushkil se mile wo hai paisa,
jo kissi-kissi ko mile wo hai pyaar,
jo naseeb waloo ko mile wo hai apun ka SMS!!!

Nazar jhuki to paimane bane,
Dil toote to maikhane bane,
kuch na kuch to zaroor hai aap mein,
yunhi nahi hum aapke dewaane bane!!!

What is sweet but not Honey,
Precious but not Money,
Bright but not Sunshine,
Improves with time but not Wine???
Its....Apni Yaari!!!

Har koi pyar ke liye tarapta hai,
Har koi pyar ke liye rota hai,
mere pyar ko galat mat samajna,
pyar to dosti mein bhi hota hai.

Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai,
to kya hua....
Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai!
ha ha ha ha!!!!

Science has proved that Sugar melts in water,
So please don't walk in rain,
otherwise i will lose such a SWEET friend like U